You would never know
by Hospitalized Heartless
Summary: "How far would you go to save the one you love?" Spamano, Spain x Romano, Antonio x Lovino, angst, romance, mystery and suspense, violence, suicidal attempts, etc. Rated M for a list of reasons; list inside.
1. First Fragment

**Title: **You would never know  
**Author: **Hospitalized Heartless  
**Genre: **Angst, Romance, Suspense/Mystery

**Warnings: **this story will contain amounts, large or small, of the following:

Sexual themes  
Past mentions of rape  
Homosexual relationships  
Large amounts of you not simply knowing what the hell is going on because of the plot being so carefully intricate  
Swearing  
Suicide Attempts  
Psychological breakdowns  
Violence and gore

**NOTE: MAKE SURE YOU READ THIS AND THE AUTHOR NOTE AT THE END OF THE STORY SO I GET NO COMPLAINING ABOUT SOMETHING NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, FEEL FREE TO LEAVE IT IN A REVIEW.**

* * *

First Fragment  
_…And losing what was found, a world so hollow. Suspended in a compromise…  
_

"Sí, madre. Yo estoy bien, no te preocupes." The brunette laughed into the phone, wedging it in between his head and his ear as he took another sip from his mug, the pleasant scent of hickory and cinnamon hitting his taste buds. "I will be sure to visit you in a couple of weeks, te lo prometo. I just need to get mi café up and running before I buy another plane ticket back over."

"_Alright, Antonio…" _The voice cackled, a dry cough, from the other line of the phone. _"I believe you when you say that. It's just… you're in a whole different country and I just…"_

"Sé que, madre. You're just worried." Antonio smiled, putting the mug down. "And I mean it when I say I promise to come back in a couple of weeks. Until then, stay healthy alright? Te quiero, madre."

"_También te quiero, Antonio."_

The curly brunette sighed, running a calloused palm over the warm ceramic of his mug before ending the phone call with his mother. His mother could be such a worry wart sometimes; not that it meant he didn't love his mother- no! His mother was a wonderful woman. He admired her for all the strength she had in her, especially taking care of him fatherless as a child. The only thing he worried about was being lapsed of judgment because in his madre's eyes, he was still a small child.

A small patter against the tiffany window pane outside of Antonio's apartment window caught his attention, the man frowning and seeing that it was starting to rain. He had heard it was summer over in America where he was staying and yet all it had done since Antonio's arrival a couple of days prior to, was rain.

"It's as if the rain's mocking my moving…" He shook his head, laughing to himself before glancing up at the wall clock. He had about fifteen minutes before he had to be officially ready to go to college that morning. He looked back down at his finished coffee, then down at the sweat jacket adorning his concealed tan skin and the black jeans that covered down his long legs. Even if he was this covered, Antonio hadn't bought an umbrella for himself since the move from Spain so he had yet to have protection. He pondered for a moment before getting up, putting his mug away into his apartment sink before going to his couch where a bag laid. He guessed he'd just have to run to college early then before it started pouring. Oh well- at least he might be able to see Feliciano!

Antonio smiled warmly at the thought of Feliciano Vargas, tugging up his hood. The bubbly Italian red head had been his best friend ever since they met in Italy two winters ago; when Antonio had to go and visit a relative down the street from Feliciano's house. The two had gotten together splendidly and loved talking to each other, especially since Feliciano complained about being lonely since he was an only child growing up with his grandfather. Heck, Antonio liked Feliciano enough that he even tried to date him- once. But Feliciano had cut it off, saying he only liked the Spaniard as a friend and instead, the two of them decided to meet each other in college again someday.

And they had. While Antonio had left to go off to college to become a teacher- he liked kids so why not?-, Feliciano had gone off to college in order to become a graphic design artist and free lance on the side. They sure made a creative duo of friends to say the least, but that was good for Antonio since it'd gotten so lonely here in America…

Frowning at himself, the Spaniard trampled out of his apartment, making sure to lock the door and grab his school bag before going down the flight of stairs and begin his walk to college. He couldn't actually drive to college yet like everyone else did because the twenty-two year old couldn't afford a car so he had to walk in the rain. Not that he minded- sure he'd get wet and he'd have to run about a mile or two to get there before it started pouring, but it gave Antonio some time to think in the morning.

A cold gust rushed past him as the Spaniard exited the building, tugging the hood over his face harder as he made his way to college. Great… just great. Sighing to himself, he avoided as many puddles in his way with his school books flying behind him and he raced to his school. However, he was paused momentarily by a loud _thunk _and- oh god- w-was that a _shriek?_

The Spaniard looked into the dark alleyway, not considering all of the water that must've started to collect on the fabric of his clothes and his book bag and stared intently into it. Just what made that sound? The male gulped, slight slightly afraid of the unknown, even for his age and took a step forward towards the alleyway. His anxiety vanished however when a small, black kitten crawled out from the depths. Antonio frowned. Oh… it was just a cat… Petting the malnourished creature for a moment, the Spaniard looked again in the alleyway to confirm his suspicions before yelling, "¡Adios!" to his feline friend and bolting off again.

What a weird start for a morning, to say the least.

* * *

"Ve- why are you all wet Antonio?"

The brunette sighed, not in the mood for this. He'd come to class about thirty minutes early, only to arrive sopping wet in front of his red headed amigo. He hadn't been able to get to the school in time but at least his books were okay, right? The Spaniard laid the bag down on the long table that served as Feliciano's desk and peered into the drowned back, smiling. Good- the books were still intact. "I still don't have an umbrella…" He admitted sheepishly, ignoring as other students began to filter their selves into the room, ready for another boring lecture that would melt their brains into a soggy mess.

"Oh…" The campari crowned child frowned before grinning and going back to his usual smiling self. "Well you could've just went and asked me for an umbrella, 'Toni! I have plenty~"

Antonio guessed a good reason why he broke it off with the Italian was because he seemed to lack basic knowledge, despite being in college already. Not like it wasn't cute or anything but, the brunette guessed if he ever dated someone they'd be a little bit more practical than Feliciano was. '_And more adorable~' _The brunette thought with a breathy sigh as he went around the long rows of desks and sat next to Feliciano Vargas as their class began to start.. "Gracias, Feliciano…" He grinned, still accepting the male's offer who nodded and to the Spaniard's surprise, handed him an umbrella. "I found I had an extra the other day!" He yipped before helping it into the Spaniard's bag. "I thought I lost it a good couple of years ago~ Guess not." He shrugged.

Before putting it away, Antonio glanced at it. The umbrella was a light creamy, white color but was adorned with red and green polka dots. Of course it would look like that. Feliciano was Italian after all and it showed Italian pride. Antonio smiled before turning back to the board.

This class was pretty simple as far as what Antonio could understand. Despite its long hours of writing and jotting notes from the board, having social science was a required class to become a teacher, and apparently an artist in Feliciano's case. The only thing that really kept him awake that morning was the fact that he was wet and cold from the rain still brewing up a storm outside and for his next class; Music, his favorite.

Antonio had always had some sort of passion for music. He remembered long hours of his small time as a child where he would play his guitar for his madre, one of his most favorite activities. He used his guitar for just about everything back then. He would sing to the tomatoes in order to make them grow, sing to his mother to help her feel better and sing and play his guitar just for the love of doing so or when he was alone and his mother had to work. He thought fondly on memories like those… They were all he had left nowadays anyways since he was so far away from home.

_"What's this going to do, mami?" The little child frowned, watching as his very pale but slowly nursing herself back to health mother sat next to him in the soil. "Our tomatoes were growing fine in the window! I don't think it's very big enough to grow out here, all alone..." His mother laughed, a sweet laugh, one he'd always loved to hear. "Well my little Antonio~" Antonio blinked as he was brought from the dirt and into his mother's lap, watching as his mother took a watering can and caringly poured water onto the small fruit plant. "If you give something love and attention, give it great care with every single bit of love you've got, something amazing might happen. For example, I'd be willing to bet thousands of dollars that if you came out here every morning and gave that plant love, care and attention, along with some water and sunlight, it will grow into a beautiful tomato plant." "Really?" The little brunette seemed awestruck by this, mouth agape and smiling wide before turning around to his mother. "Okay then! Hold on- I wanna get my guitar! I will sing to the tomatoes!" His mother laughed as the brunette headed towards the house. _

The memory made Antonio's heart warm significantly, despite his cold surroundings. Dios mio did he love his mother…His smile was quickly diminished however when he thoughts strayed to that of more… darker topics. Mostly just thoughts of his old, big leaf maple acoustic guitar… He and his mother just got so poor and… he had to sell it.

Antonio had thought that having to sell his guitar would have destroyed all of his love for music, but it still clung on. So when he heard that becoming a teacher would require for him to get a music class, he was ecstatic. Now if only he could afford to get another guitar… that would be truly wonderful.

It wasn't too long before Antonio was nudged out of his condition of reverie by his Italian friend and he blinked, eyes fluttering open and jutting around ushering a, "Que?" a little too loudly and distressed sounding. A lively chuckle rung in the Spaniard's ears and the male's shock died down to see it was only Feli tugging at him. "You weren't paying attention so I had to make sure you knew class was done!" The Italian giggled before getting out of his seat like the other students. "Oh…" He frowned before Feliciano nodded, slowly getting up.

"Stai bene, Antonio?" Feliciano's Italian immediately registered in his head and the Spaniard merely smiled, though it was weak. "Sí, Feliciano. Sto bene." He waved his hand before departing away from his Italian friend and walked through the campus to his music class. Despite his thoughts the morning, perhaps he was more home sick than he or his mother thought. He took a seat at his usual desk, not bothering to wait for anyone because no one else went to class with him this morning that he knew on a friendly basis anyways.

'_Perhaps I'll leave extra early to get to the café today,'_ he mumbled into the palm currently propping up his chin. _'The café might just get rid of my home sickness…'_His thoughts didn't really stray any farther than that as he had another class to finish again.

* * *

**(A/N: I made this chapter quite short simply because this story's not one I'm going to have to go into incredible detail with so you're not going to get much from this chapter or the rest of the story quite honestly. And yes- for the purposes of this story;**

**Feliciano is an only child living with his grandfather  
Feliciano used to be Antonio's ex-boyfriend**

**Both will be very important to the plot, despite how thin it appears right now, and will be revealed to be great importance. So please, for the sake of everyone else, try not to get your panties in a bunch of all of this and I will see you all next week(hopefully) with the next chapter~**

**Next Chapter: Antonio, after meeting up with his two other goofball friends once getting out of college, decides to head early to his café to make sure it'll be ready for a grand opening the next day. However, as he starts to make sure everything is in place, Feliciano walking past his café windows but not coming in catches his attention… **

Spanish (In order of usage);

"Sí, madre. Yo estoy bien, no te preocupes." – ("Yes, mother. I am fine, do not worry.")  
"…Te lo prometo." – ("…I promise.")  
"…Mi café…" – ("…My café…")  
"Sé que, madre…" – ("I know, mother…")  
"…Te quiero, madre." – ("I love you, mother.")  
"También te quiero, Antonio." – ("I love you too, Antonio.")  
"…madre's…" – ("…Mother's…")  
"¡Adios!"- ("Goodbye!")  
"…amigo." – ("…friend.")  
"…mami." – ("…mommy.")  
"Que?" – ("What?")

Italian (In order of usage);

"Stai bene, Antonio?" – ("Are you okay, Antonio?")  
"Sí, Feliciano. Sto bene." – ("Yes, Feliciano. I'm fine.")

**Por favor, correct me on any wrong Spanish and Italian. The Italian is simply based on my own knowledge but the Spanish was relied on by a friend of mine who took a Spanish class about a year ago. So, per favore, correct me if I am wrong or even if you want to give some con. Crit. to the story!**

**Also, reviews are like the food of the story! I like to know exactly how you all feel on the story and how I could make it better or what I should avoid or include! Thank you :3 )**


	2. Second Fragment

**Title: **You would never know  
**Author: **Hospitalized Heartless  
**Genre: **Angst, Romance, Suspense/Mystery

**Warnings: **this story will contain amounts, large or small, of the following:

Sexual themes  
Past mentions of rape  
Homosexual relationships  
Large amounts of you not simply knowing what the hell is going on because of the plot being so carefully intricate  
Swearing  
Suicide Attempts  
Psychological Breakdowns  
Violence and gore

**NOTE: MAKE SURE YOU READ THIS AND THE AUTHOR NOTE AT THE END OF THE STORY SO I GET NO COMPLAINING ABOUT SOMETHING NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, FEEL FREE TO LEAVE IT IN A REVIEW.**

* * *

Second Fragment  
_…The glass shatters with the softest touch, is there a soul beyond the shards?..._

The day passed by like it had for the last week of Antonio's arrival; mundane and habitually. Rain continued to pour down outside of the windows as lecture by boring lecture passed through Antonio's brain, his hand constantly racing over his notebook in- sadly- English. Oh how he wished to speak a little more Spanish again and not have to deal with speaking English all the time. It would just be a hell of a lot easier to be listening to a lecture in Spanish. To everyone else in the room, it was still rotting their brain even if it was in a language they understood since birth- or to some even in a language they couldn't understand- it was twice as head rotting to Antonio. But he supposed, he would have to go along with it since he made the commitment by coming over to America.

Once this class was over, all of his classes for today were done! Antonio giddily yipped, suddenly rejuvenated for the day as he packed all of his stuff with the homework from his Music teacher and teetered out of the room. "Si!" he shouted to the ceiling, not caring about anyone around him staring. "Now I can get to the café earlier than I thought!" Antonio nodded to himself, walking down the linoleum floors and continued his trek to his café about a few blocks away from the campus of World W Community College. He was all but gripping the door handle when a sharp noise reminding Antonio of 'Kesesesesese!' stopped him in his tracks.

"Well, look-y what we have here! It's that transfer student from Spain- Antonio Hernandez-something!"

Antonio mentally groaned, not in the mood to deal with such things right now. "It's Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo." He put on his best, but fake, charming smile as he watched the boisterous two men walk towards him; one with graying hair and another who looked far too old to be a college student in Antonio's opinion. He didn't even know the two of these men and so far throughout his entire American college career, he'd been bombarded by their boisterousness and… perverseness. The brunette really had no idea why the two of them always liked to follow him around whenever they could on campus, but some part of him truly didn't want to know.

"Right… Fernandez… Anyways!," The graying male jumped over to him, wrapping an arm around Antonio's shoulder. "How's life been, freund? You didn't talk to us yesterday!"

Antonio glared, an action not very common for himself and gently removed the male's hand from around him. "That's probably because I don't know you two very well…" The brunette went to go and open the door when a large gasp came from behind him. "Was?! I could've sworn I'd introduced my awesomeness to you before…" Antonio rolled his eyes, putting up a fake smile and turning away from the door to the pale man and the blond. "My names the AWESOME Gilbert Beilschmidt and this is the Frenchie-Pants named Francis Bonnefoy."

"I can introduce myself, mon ami." The Frenchman sighed, rubbing his temples before sending Antonio a charming smile and holding out his hand. "Je m'appelle Francis Bonnefoy. I am a third year student here at World W." Antonio slightly smiled, shaking the male's hand before blinking when his hand was brought to the Frenchman's lips and felt his face flare up a bit before retracting his hand. _W-What the?... _Antonio frowned to himself, cradling his hand as if it'd just been attacked by some vicious cat rather than kissed upon. It's not like the affection was unwanted considering Antonio had come out of the closet years ago when he had a crush on Feliciano but rather just unexpected. "N-Nice to meet you too…"

"Kesesesesese!" Gilbert laughed once more with that ever so annoying chuckle that made Antonio slightly annoyed. "You're totally blushing like mad right now! You don't like guys or are you just a virgin?"

Antonio frowned to himself, looking at the ground. Sad thing was yes- he was a virgin… He worked so much when he was a kid and even though he'd gone to high school, nobody really was interested in dating Antonio because he was such an air head. In fact, he remembered one rumor that went around about him that was 'he's such an airhead, even if he got a girl with him he'd be horrible in bed!' and he was so offended by that! Sure he hadn't had much practice/no practice at all with sex but that didn't automatically mean he was horrible at it or maybe it did and he just didn't notice? Oh god this was so confusing to Antonio-

"Hey…" Gilbert frowned, leaning into Antonio's face and causing him to come out of his stupor. "You know I was just joking with you bro…" Antonio frowned to himself, clearly having taken the joke seriously and nodded awkwardly, slightly smiling. "Uh… Right!" He nodded and turned to the door before pushing it open. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow guys!"

He bolted off and away as fast as his legs could take him, grateful for the rain stopping for a few minutes so he was running dry once more. He didn't stop until he was only a few blocks away from his café, frowning and looking back at the college. He pat his knees, leaning his arms again them and breathing in slowly. "Well… that was weird…" Antonio frowned, hitting his head slightly. "You need to stop being so nervous in America Toni… I mean- they were just joking with you and I'm sure they're nice people..." Antonio looked at the sky, frowning. Maybe he shouldn't have come to America after all… So far, aside from keeping Feliciano's promise, it wasn't doing much for him.

"No!" Antonio pouted to himself, suddenly renewed and his emotion going from depressed to joyous in two seconds flat. "I didn't just come here to teach but so I could prove to my mom I can do things by myself and to take care of my café here! I can't just give up now!" Smiling to himself and now remembering his original task, Antonio walked in the opposite direction of his apartment and began heading down the street to his final destination for the day.

Cafés had a lot of meaning to Antonio. Unlike restaurants that focused on high class foods (or sometimes low class foods considering all of the fast food businesses Antonio had seen on the streets while walking around in America) and differentiating customer service because the workers seemed to be overly stressed, cafés were simple, small businesses that seemed a lot more welcoming and places where you could just chat with anyone and it didn't seem to matter. It was a much better setting, to him at least, where nothing was high class and you could enjoy simplicity or nostalgic sweets in a home like setting. The reason perhaps why he loved them so much is because Antonio was generally a home styled man. He grew up only knowing one home to go to, but a very simple one. Nothing too fancy, but it was comfortable- even as Antonio grew up an only child with his mom as his only form of guidance. That's probably what made him pursue to work at a local café in Spain as his first job when his mother was working two jobs to pay the mortgage on the house they had. Cafés just seemed simple and carefree and where you'd meet generally welcoming people and workers as carefree as the customers who walked in.

The brunette grinned on the small memories making their way into his head as he walked up to the glass entryway to his new place of business. He was so clumsy when he first started worked, a little bit too overjoyed to be around so many people while he didn't get out much around his home; he was always taking care of his tomato plants or his mother so he never really had a lot of friends growing up- only a blond girl named Bella and her brother Nathan that he always passed by on his way to a local grocery store. He remembered he'd broken at least three different plate sets within his first two months working there! But things got better for Antonio as he grew up. He went from being a simple employee until he got more and more raises, starting to bring in more customers with new food ideas and eye candy for outside of the store and eventually, he was given the title of manager when the old manager wanted to retire and give the deed of the business to someone else. However, Antonio knew he couldn't just run this café all of his life, so he left his old home back in Spain and went off to start his first year of college in America.

A small bell at the top of his door resonated throughout the empty café, the owner smiling as the smell of clean air and wood filled his nostrils, the café being reasonably new so it hadn't obtained other smells. To Antonio the place was as simple as you could get: parquet tile flooring with some pine green carpet around the front desk and beneath the couple of booths he had. A nice tan color covered the walls along with several pictures he had taken himself that had been in his old café back in Spain, most of them consisting of juicy tomatoes or the countryside flowers and a long strip of malachite green boarded the top of the wall and ran around the entire inside perimeter. The booth seats were the same green shade going throughout the café and the one counter top before going into the café's kitchen was a shiny, black granite.

The Spaniard smiled. It was perfect.

Placing his backpack within an office room he'd made for himself and future employees, the brunette began to get to work on making sure the café was spick and spam before tomorrow's grand opening. He was so excited for it! He went into the kitchen, mass producing a couple of rags and a mop before bringing them out front as he started to swab the floors. Antonio really didn't care that right now he had no help with the café and that he was the only one working so far, he couldn't wait to start entertaining customers! He sighed in content, briskly humming a tune he had assimilated from his mother.

Everything had been going fine with cleaning his café until Antonio decided to wipe down the tables.

It wasn't like Antonio was a klutz or anything of the sort. It was normal how it all happened. Antonio had just finished mopping the floors and went to go and get some rags and start cleaning the tables. When he started cleaning off one of the tables, Antonio noticed a sudden reflective glint of red now on the surface where he'd just been whipping at. At first, he could only manage to think it was a stain of some sort his arm had been covering while cleaning off the rest of the table but after a few moments of scrubbing furiously at the red blotch, it didn't go away. Puzzled, the Spaniard pulled away from the table and studied his handwork. If it was in fact a stain, then not only did he now have to go and get white table cloths for all of his tables but he had to figure out where it came from! He always made sure to lock up his café so no one could get in and he'd never brought any sort of red drinks into the café and there was no evidence that he hadn't been the only one to come in here…

In the midst of his panicking, and himself just looking about the room for an answer, his malachite eyes managed to land on a rain streaked window and a red headed figure lying with his back against it. He was very short to say the least- Antonio only knew it was a guy because of the broad, lean shoulders- and had a curl flying by the right side of his head… Oh! A curl and red hair? "That must be Feliciano!" Antonio grinned, putting down his rag and strode towards outside. Well of course Feliciano would come and visit him, right? Feliciano had been so happy about the start of his café as soon as the brunette had told him he was opening one. However, there was something bothersome about this, which paused the Spaniard's movements towards the door to let in his friend.

Why was Feliciano sitting out in the rain with no umbrella if he had said he had plenty when he'd given Antonio one the earlier this morning and, if he was coming to visit, why hadn't he knocked on the door or the window or tried to contact him in any way?

Antonio glanced at the coat and umbrella rack hanging to the left of the door upon entering his café and frowned, seeing the white, green and red polka dotted umbrella he'd received earlier today. Well… if there was a stranger that just seemed to look like Feliciano outside of his café, he should at least offer him inside of his café to dry off. Deciding on that idea, grinning at how proud his mother would be for his kindness, the Spaniard took the staff part of the umbrella into his hand before stepping outside underneath the awning above his doorway, opened the umbrella and walked towards the man. The man sensed no movement on Antonio's part and he decided to crouch down with the umbrella over both of their heads so not to disturb the male when he made his presence. "Are you all right, sir?"

What happened next made even Antonio jump in surprise as the male's eyes widened and he was staring face to face with an almost exact look alike of Feliciano, staring at him like a child held at gunpoint. The only reason Antonio knew this wasn't his friend Feliciano Vargas was by the fact that this male's eyes were a way different color than his friends- a dusty gold- and the curl sprouting from the side of his forehead was on the male's right instead of on the left. Unfortunately though, Antonio couldn't note any more than that because the male bolted away, back out in the rain and left the brunette to wonder, standing there in an awestruck like state as water continued to pour down around him.

**(A/N; Alright- I'm an ass for not updating this as fast as possible- I realize this. But hopefully this story doesn't die because things are kind of up in the air now. I had a spider infestation (a bunch of spiders hatched inside my home) and I pretty much was killing spiders a day for the last couple of weeks in August and the computer was just some lace I didn't want to go near. That and I'm just lazy. xD I decided to finish it now so I could feel accomplished when I went to bed tonight~ Hope you enjoyed! I enjoy any review, author or story alert or favorite or even just aview I get on this story! Anything of that nature is love! QU Q **

**Next Chapter: Antonio is completely confused by the man running away from him as soon as he tried to give him his help and doesn't deice to fret on it until he finds the same exact man sitting outside of his café again the following day. Just what's up with him and why does he look like Feliciano?!**

Spanish (In order of usage);

"Si!" – ("Yes!")

German (In order of usage);

"Fruend!" – ("Friend!")  
"Was?!" – ("What?!")

French (In order of usage);

"Mon ami." – ("My friend.")  
"Je m'appelle Francis Bonnefoy." – ("My name is/I am known as Francis Bonnefoy.") **)**


End file.
